this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
