mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
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All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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