When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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