there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
