JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
