Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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