How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
