Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
