fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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