i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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