I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
