he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
