my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
there is puke in my bra ... again
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