I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
