come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
