Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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