By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
