3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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