bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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