what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
