Non-Jews are for practice
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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