I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
