for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Let's paint friendship bongs
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
