I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize