im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
