She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
