okay pat passed out under dana's car
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
