I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
