Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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