he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
