Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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