yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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