I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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