Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
