How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
