I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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