Dude my mom stole all your condoms
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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