If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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