Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
