there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
