Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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