If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
