If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
