Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
