Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They are going to name an STD after you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
