I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
