it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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