He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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