Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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