I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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