Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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