I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
