He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
