just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
