So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was like eating out sand paper
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
