I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
