I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
