I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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