there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
