One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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