two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
