that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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